Gratitude and Embracing Transformation

End of year reflections and radical change.

2024 is coming to a close, and it’s the two year mark. Two years since I closed Fresh Thymes and it feels like a lifetime ago.

I’m still here in Costa Rica, breathing deeply, and unwinding, processing. Here’s the biggest realization I’ve made since arriving. As my life’s been changing at a rapid pace and I’ve been undoing my life’s work in many ways, I’ve also struggled to explain it to others or even understand it myself. These radical shifts have been borne from deep within me. I couldn’t express why I wasn’t able to just “snap out of it” and assimilate back into life again.

I knew once I arrived in Nosara, created my sanctuary space; had time to sink into the vibration of the sea and the jungle and the pura vida life, I would have space for meaning making. Serendipitously, suddenly, two healers. Wise all seeing women. Upon their inquiry, and sharing my story, One says of my inner turmoil, “You cannot go back to any of those things you once had and were, because you are in the midst of a complete transformation. And it’s radical and it’s really hard and you should have support. Your nervous system is in shock.” I was taken aback.

Of course, I walked back to my casita by the sea and looked it up. Was this true? I mean anyone close to me knew “Christine’s really changing”, that was obvious, but transforming? Ahh… the difference between change and transformation: Change is goal oriented, externally driven and applied, and linear in trajectory. By contrast, transformation is borne from within of its own accord, is internally driven and applied, and a spiral, a wave, layers in its trajectory. My life definitely fit the definition of transformation. Yes, a transformation and awakening catalyzed by plant medicine, a deeper feeling there has to be more and a sudden traumatic loss of three businesses. Finally I understood what I knew deeply within, I could not live an adjacent life.

Despite my dismantling, another part of me struggled against the radical changes every step of the way as my life was dissolving. I didn’t see it before for what it was. I was too in it. I’d had a few close friends say I was in “transformation” but that sounded like hyperbole. I pushed that away. Probably a disconnect because our culture barely allows for change. We celebrate it (Life Coach!! Whole 30!!) but, we also resent it. Societally, there isn’t recognition or embracing of transformation. It feels too niche. Change alone scares people. Transformation can feel triggering or threatening for all parties if they don’t understand it. So, I wanted to make myself smaller, definitely didn’t talk about what was happening within me, trying to push aside the changes stirring within and play it down.

Today, I’m to learning to shift my relationship with the transformation process. Like birth, it’s happening regardless of what I think of it. I am choosing to honor this as a true gift. I saw I could release my internal struggle, befriend and embrace the process. I didn’t know there are healers whose healing is in integrating, witnessing and supporting the transformation process (so one doesn't lose their mind). Just the permission to be fully here now with the truth of it has been a massive relief to my nervous system. Evidently however, my transformation isn’t yet complete. In Nosara, I have the true gift to be able to deepen into this process and feel into where this internal energy is taking me. I can say, in working with this transformation energy rather than fighting it, I am already gaining inspiration again for my life in service of food, wellness and healing, myself and others.

And so, I’m sitting with all the incredible changes over the last two years. I have so much gratitude. Intense gratitude for the tragically difficult last two years, for the incredible blessings I have today, and now, this opportunity to grow myself in profound and more impactful ways. Now that I see my dark night of the soul for what it is, and I can look over the past two years and see it more clearly, I feel called to fully embrace the rest of this unfolding.

And, deepest gratitude for ALL OF YOU! Who keeps reading my words and witnessing my process these last two years and your patience for my lapse in posting during the fall. I am deeply humbled.

I am excited to share that as I’ve been wading through all this, I’ve been desiring a deeper alignment with The Fresh Life, my sharing of accumulated wisdom syncing with my professional trajectory, which is where all this transforming is taking me I presume.

In the new year, you’ll see me visiting your email inbox with my newsletters on schedule again, with the goal of more frequent posts, building on the two new series I began in the fall, Your Inner Galaxy, exploring the ranging effects of microbiome deterioration, internally and societally that lead to less resilience and more illness, physically and mentally. Also, Your Inner Wilderness, a deep dive into the ways we heal that transcend physical manipulation of our body (lab tests, new tincture, fitness routine, breathwork, etc) along with more critique of our broken health and food systems and how to live in deeper harmony with your true self for authentic healing.

I will continue to live in Nosara next year to deepen into where my transformation is leading me, and I’ll be excited to also share my personal healing anecdotes, where this transformation is taking me, along with food and recipes (YAY! Food again!!) related to the tropics and the wellness and healing energy and opportunities here in Nosara.

The timing is right… The sunny season here has begun.

May your holidays be filled with appreciation and love and 2025 filled with sunshine.

With love and gratitude for you,

Christine